Last night after a solo date with self around the fire as I was preparing for dreamtime, a Scorpion decides to make a gracious respective appearance before me right before I went to bed.
It came towards me and parked itself right beside my laptop. I decided to keep this creature with me in the same room while I slept before freeing it this morning back to the jungle in the light.
Eclipse season is stirring me up and tumbling me around, in my waterways! Who’s feelin’ it! Taurus solar eclipse felt hopeful and uplifting, and with this Full Moon Scorpio eclipse coming up, its continuously serving me some lessons to look at – topics around Death, Rebirth, Transformation, Loss.
In the past week I’ve been navigating strong dosages of vulnerability around change
-–changes coming soon again as I prepare to step up more in my leadership and offerings, as I move towards Europe in a few weeks (!?!) – my bodies were just starting to adjust to the frequency and beauty that is Mexico, and now I’m in transition again in preparation to receive the next phase of growth, towards fresh horizons, lands, energies, new beginnings (again!)
– there is grieving here that is present, I see these lessons and challenges are here now for me to strengthen my sense of rooting and belonging to serve the iteration of my next freedom leap.
OLD SELF, OLD LIFE
I’ve been reminiscing in past weeks looking through old pictures of my old life, in Singapore, and in Koh Panghan.
I miss seeing, connecting, and being with my family in Singapore, my loved ones and old friends.
I miss sweet the nature spaces that nourished me, the hawker centres and all its wide varieties of flavours, and little india (!?).
I am missing Koh Panghan, this recent old life – communing with familiar soul family, riding on Charlotte the chariot my precious bike, the epic sunsets, the easy access to nature, Thai food, DURIANS, having my nest cocoon home by the mountains.
There is no place like it, this spirit home that’s gifted me new life, of expansion and remembrance- irreplaceable.
I have also been missing my Asian based family – something about having uprooted from Thailand away from Asia brings this into a deepening too. Present in the grieving too I am noticing – is a deeper layer of ancestral healing that’s being unveiled.
I continue to understand how important it is to give space to allow sadness and loss to be felt.
These last weeks, I’m finding myself returning to listening to the Dao 道德经again, chanting Buddhist mantras (Tayatha Om Bekandze), quietly sitting with bowls of tea – somehow this body and spirit knows to reach for these ways of remembering.
Signs and messages have been arriving again this eclipse season, of shining more light, giving more attention to my roots, this Chinese body of a woman who grew up in colonial land speaking English having not that much exposure, education, discussion around my Chinese culture – and grieving the stories that have been unsaid, forgotten, lost.
I don’t remember growing up hearing stories about the meaning and reasons for traditions and practices of our festivities and celebrations –and the child within me recognizes now, was longing for stories, to deepen in connection and communion, for a stronger sense of belonging.
It is strange and so natural at the same time, that I have felt so connected to Hong Kong in the past years since establishing deeper heart connections to the land and the soul tribe that is there – maybe my roots feel closer to the grounds of my ancestral land (I love you Hong Kong!)
I mentioned my brother Mun Fai last week around a fire to a young brother, using his Chinese name to describe him – my very first time doing so – and recognized how beautiful this language is – and how far away I have been, from understanding the depth, power, stories of my ancestors:
A short shoutout and praise! the Chinese language is one of the oldest ones – 6000years!? (alongside others Hebrew, Egyptian, Sanskrit, Farsi, Tamil, Greek, Arabic) – great inventions like the compass, printing technology, paper, gunpowder great remedy healing modalities of tea, qigong, Traditional Chinese medicine & potent spiritual wisdom teachings emerging out of China – Buddhism, Taoism, Confucianism continue to be practiced and blessing the world (My curiosity lies in discovering more about Chinese shamanism which still remains to be cloaked and not spoken about so greatly even though its practices can be found in TCM.)
SO PRECIOUS. SO POTENT.
I remember growing up and for a long time after, perceiving from a lens of judgement, around my ancestral soil -through the stereotype generalizing, labelling of its people. I wasn’t sensitized before I embarked deeper on this spiritual path, in understanding more compassionately, how my peoples (like many other cultures too, over so long) have been kept under strict rules, control, so much suppression of the spirit, the dominating powers of the patriarchy ruling the culturescape of our green home.
I love and appreciate you, my dear Chinese friends and peoples. You are all amazing to stay so resilient despite the oppression. I appreciate you too China, especially in your original pristine nature, before civilization, industrialization took over. I want to one day, come back to this sacred soil, these magnificent lands in all its mysteries and beauty, and give thanks.
As I continue to unravel,
To let go, let be, let God
I choose to translate these stories with(in) with the voice and heart of benevolence,
I give thanks for all the blessons gifted to me from these times, memories.
I remember I am here now because of them.
I remember grieving is a holy practice, of embodying the full spectrum experience of this life – i can taste and embody the power of joy, because i am also able to embrace and navigate the threshold of loss.
Making space to cry, to lament, to give this feeling of loss its sacred space of being.
I remember while i may never receive tales of my ancestry in the ways i hope and wish for it to be, i know i am here creating new stories as this future ancestor that i am.
I remember that wherever this body travels to, will be able to anchor and root herself, myself, into this belonging within and around -this body is made of, and from her, there is nowhere i will go where i will not be welcomed – I belong with and to the Earth, she is my home, my sanctuary.
I remember that letting go is not bypassing, but simply a reframing, of anchoring them differently, in ways that empower, inspire, and guide me forward.
I remember that letting go is a part of making space to welcome the new.
The new self who is herself, creating & shaping this lineage and legacy, of Chinese, Singaporean, woman, human.
May we remember the powers that lie within all of us, to make meaning out of the stories happens in our lives, whatever its brought each and all of us, and to re-create and shape our realities, every step and breath along the way. May our stories be passed on to the next generations be ones we share proudly and sweetly, of, times when we made herstory of
more and all of us stepping in and up on conscious leadership of Soul, Self and take response-ability for our individual part of this collective dream, all of us becoming self love champions the world waging peace instead of war returning to cyclical hEarth based living the principles of divine feminine restored in all places & spaces, at work, in life, everywhere: connection, collaboration, communion, creation Mother Earth soaring in her magnificence, cherished and honoured in a new era, clean waters rivers and oceans, rich fertile soil growing an abundance of fresh living giving foods, other species on earth too, being considered, stewarded & tended to with reverence and care clean drinking water being accessible to all beings all children being nourished, protected and loved, to grow and be themselves, in joy, in safety peoples uniting as a global community, learning and thriving, together in harmony
Grateful to feel the movement of these visions coming to be, even if and as it looks and feels so challenging, and otherwise in these times –
Even if i may not live to see it all come into fruition — i continue to choose to bring faith and hope into these visions in all i think, all i feel, all i do
– i’m doing my best, and i know you are too